Feelings (such a scary word)

     I decided this morning that I hadn't really expressed all of my feelings about Nathan's tubes in my blog post last night.  When I first woke up, Nate was still sound asleep next to me.  I looked at my sweet little boy and thought about him laying on an operating table and the doctors putting him under general anesthesia.  I realize that everything would probably be fine.  But just knowing that there is the tiniest possibility that something could go wrong terrifies me.  I love my little guy so much.  I had to shed a tiny tear for what he might be going through soon.
     After Daren and I talked about it last night and decided that going straight to the tubes was the right thing to do, we prayed for a confirmation.  After the prayer, he asked me how I felt.  I still feel afraid to put him through this.  I was hoping to feel peace.  I don't know if my fear is an answer to our prayer or if it's just a lack of faith on my part.  I know the Lord can give us peace, but maybe I'm just not allowing Him to do that for me.
     My other thought is that I shouldn't be so whiney about all of this.  It's just tubes, for crying out loud!  I think about Jon and Jamie and all they have gone through with little Tyler.  How hard it must be to send him into surgery for something so complicated as his heart.  And here I am freaking out about a 5 minute procedure to place tubes in his ears.  I think general anesthesia is always a little scary.  But really we are so blessed that this is all he needs done.
     Okay, that's the end of my feelings for now.  I just thought I should write them down while they were still fresh.